Happy new year, dear lovely readers!
Hows your new year? Mine is doing nothing, With Andeciiiii... *tepok jidat*
Baidewei yahhhh, im typing This With iPad, and as usual, i dont Knowles how to turn the t9(apadeh-auto-correction) off... :( jadi lama deh ngetiknyaaaaa..... Puspitaaa ahhhh!!!! *ngondek is a must*
Anyways, here's my ten awkward-est sex, based on True EVENTS!
01. Bravissima!
So, i bet we all had dated one that adore and Cherrish us, jadi kayak berusaha pleasing us getooh. Well, in This case, he ask: "kamu suka musik apa?" in his appartment, rite before we had sex-he did offered me some wine.
Aku jawab de: "klasik"
Dia: "hmmm.... Cool, i have my Dave Classical CD"
*dipasang ya CD ituh* mengalunlah nocturne in Eb nya Chopin
Dia duduk di sofa, sebelahku, pegang paha ku, i can readers the sign, i Know what he wants... *evil face*
we kissed, then we 'clomot-clomotan' (russian for french kiss)
While kissing, CD played Debussy's Clair De Lune, im thinking 'si mbah Debussy ini bikin lagu koq enak bgt yak... Akord ajaib!' (while kissing)
Singkat cerita, he 'blowed' me, the the CD played Bach's AVE MARIA! With Jenkins singgung it! My tot: BRAVISSIMA!
Lemes lah si Andeca jr.
02. do you Want? Or u dont? Labil bener!
So, met This guy, verrry cute and handsome one! Believe me, he's cute! Turn i go to his place for you-know-rite?
He doing bot-on-top possition, turn he went.... "AHHH, beibiH! BeibiH!" so loud that he must thinking im bolod...
I changed the possition, jadi he is tengkurap, With me ajeb2 diatasnya, so i was in control *evil face* (ah, Andedca memang suka kasar dan lupa diri kalo lagi ke-enakan)
The whhile im ajeb2-ing, he went "AHHH! BEIBIIIH, BEIBIIIH, SAKITTTTTT BEIBIIH!!!"
Aku jawab: "ya udah, aku cabut yah"
Dia: "JANGAN BEIBIIIHHH!!,"
Aku(dalem ati): "iki wong arep-eee opoooooo...."
03. Modern narsiccus
So, met This boyband-looked guy, you Know... Rambut Jibril kayak Monas, baju ketat2 menggemaskan, skinny jeans ngejepit biji, muka mulussss perawatan, hot lah. I Know This kind of guy pasti suka di adore, dipuji2 cute dan hot. And you Know, This kind of guy Also Never pass a mirror without Checkin their self out.
But what do you think, If, when you have sex With someone, he keeps checkin his self on the mirror, With his bibir monyong2 eksis, ala2 abege jaman sekarang, so the move is: 5second checkin his Angle, 5 second monyong2in bibir ala Julia Peres, 3minutes lookin at you, while holding his Angle, and keeping his monyong2 mouth... Cakeppp sihhh... Tp koq GENGGEST yahhhhh!
04. KENTUT PAS HAVE SEX... Remember, im doing man on man sex, so.... (no need to explain animor...)
05. Tsa doe mae xo kiss
Ini nihhh... I hate the most! Kalo org menyiksa2 ato minta disiksa.... Malesin, i mean, kalo minta diikat, dan pura2 diperkosa, i think thats kinky... Tapi bagaimana, kalo abis minta diikat, dan minta di spank2, lantas dia bilang: "aku nakal! Aku nakal bgt! tetesin aku lilin!"
Euh! Big turn off! Wyatt did i do u ask? Keep bangin' and make it fast! Hahahaha
06. HEy, you! I Want your boyfriend!
Back in my younger age(tsahhhh!) i used to be a jerk, a bastard, i cheat alot... By saying alot, i mean alot!! Thats bad? I Know... Udah enggak lagi koq... *reuzz*
So, i had sex With This guy i met in the gym, while we having sex, he Said: "you Know, your boy Friendster is so cute, did he do sex With other guys Too? Can i have a sipp of him?"
Me: "i am single, i dont have any boyfriend"
He: I Know your boyfriend, we met couple times, he told me he had a boyfriend.
Me: owww... Well, im all you got, Want it or not? He's just for me, for he is not a jerk, but i am...
-see how bad i was?- :(
07. The Photographer guy
ITS so anoyying, when somebody ask If he may Take a Picture of your Dick during sex... apalagi kalo sampe maksa, when you Said no, he still holding his phone to Take the Picture ngumpet2-ly... MAlesinnnn....
08. Shoot even daster than a bullet
So, This hot sixpacked Gym instructor, comin on to you, and ask wheter you Want to Hang out in his place, off course u Said yes!
Ya udahlah, again, clomot2an, then gerayang2an(angker bgt yak?)
Then the momentum has come when you should open his pants and underpants, just the momentum when you are plorotin kolornye suddenly he moan: "ahh... AHHH... AHHH.."
THERE YOU GO! HE'S DONE!!!
09. Six million dollar(?) man
You Know the Movie rite, a guy, accident, bio-surgerry, he become a superhero...
In my case, no surgerry... Oooooo... Just... A fake Dick, and ass...
Ora mudheng?
Jadi gini, Nduk....
Dia sumpelin itu selangkangan bagian depannya make kayak sejenis karet, supaya 'gempok'an nya keliarannya gede, dan pantat ya juga disumpel make kayak kaen perca... Biar montok, pas dibuka? Yah rontok!
10. AND THE WINNER IS....
Imagine: you, your boyfriend, each just had one shoot of vodka, madly in love, horny, he's hot, in you room, your house is empty...
'it' happened.... Then your boyfriend ask for a bot-on-top possition,
Here's he is, on top, dudukin you, geyol2ing his hips, both hands on his hair, pokoknya Beyonce alike.....
Suddenly....
"JEGREK"
your sister come in to your room... Screaming: "ahhhhhhhhh!!!! Aduh!! Soriiiiiii soriiiiii.... Gak tau kalian lagi.... AAHHHHH!!"
Thats all folks... Ini ngetik pake iPad... Susisusanti bgt deh.... Rempong pisann...
